We live in a society that unfortunately does not take consent seriously. As a result many of us will have experiences of sexual assault or domestic violence. There can be a wide spectrum of experiences of harm, but what unites them is a violation of bodily autonomy that can linger after the initial experience.
I include kink/BDSM here in this section because a healthy kink practice represents the inverse of experiences of SA or DV.
Of course you don’t have to engage in kink to heal from SA or DV, but some people might be interested in that. And for everyone else, we can still learn from kinky sex educators – they along with sex workers are having some of the most nuanced conversations about sex and consent.
You might also be interested in reading Gender, Sex, and Sexuality if sex will be a main topic of conversation.
Sexual Assault (SA)
When we talk about sexual assault, we might be discussing one experience or we might be discussing ongoing patterns. Whether it was a singular incident or part of a pattern, SA comes from an environment that allows for it. It’s never truly isolated.
Therefore, our healing cannot be isolated to one experience either. In conversations about healing from SA, we’ll have broad discussions about consent, bodily autonomy, and trauma and grief. The process of us building a mutually trusting and consensual relationship will be just as important as the content we discuss.
Domestic Violence (DV)
DV has broader implications than SA in that it always involves an ongoing relationship and isn’t restricted to sex. DV might involve isolation from friends, financial control, “walking on eggshells,” etc.
It can really break down your sense of self.
If you have survived DV, expect us to discuss consent, identity, community building, and trauma and grief.
If you are actively engaged in a DV situation, I might not be the best person to support you during this time. It’s much easier to heal when you’re no longer in this situation. Philadelphia residents can peruse these resources.
Kink (BDSM)
As I’ve discussed already, a healthy kink or BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) practice is the inverse of SA or DV due to the presence of consent. An unhealthy kink practice will likely involve elements of SA or DV.
Education is incredibly important to differentiate between the two.
In developing or nurturing a healthy kink practice, we can focus our attentions on education, community, and connecting with your body. Expect us to engage in exercises around being present and connecting with your body and emotions, in addition to having discussions about consent and community building.