Families can be beautiful spaces of love and connection. Equally, they can be spaces of secrets, generational differences, and struggles for power. In my experience, parents overwhelmingly love and want the best for their kids but sometimes need a little help.
Similarly to how I speak about couples therapy, think of me as an outside consultant who you bring in for relationship support. I will not be “fixing” anyone, instead we will need to work together to resolve what is coming up relationally.
I am trained as a family therapist which means that I am trained to take an approach that looks at an entire family as a system. If you’ve ever said something like, “our family is known for making sarcastic jokes,” you’ll know what I mean. Families take on a life of their own which is bigger than any individual person.
As we are embarking on this family therapy journey, I invite you to also check out the section on intergenerational trauma.
Nuclear Family
The nuclear family typically involves two parents who are married, one or two kids who live with them, and maybe a pet.
Did you know that the word “nuclear family,” only started being used in 1947, and only became a norm in the US in the 1960’s and 1970’s? It’s not as old or ubiquitous as we sometimes think!
Families can look all types of different ways: from parents who are separated, to extended family being involved, to non – blood connections who are just as important as blood family.
No matter what your family looks like, you are all welcome to be part of a family therapy process together.
Our process might involve some time with everyone present, as well as some time breaking up into different groups as needed – for instance just the parents or adults and just the kids.
We will want to work together to find common grounds in defining our purpose/intentions for working together while taking special care to ensure that everyone feels heard.
Teenagers
In this section I’ll talk about working one on one with teenagers/young people. I include this here in the family therapy section because the parents/caretakers make teen therapy possible financially and emotionally.
For this reason, it’s important to me that we maintain a positive relationship through semi regular check ins.
Now, I’d like to address the teens directly.
You might have met some adults who think that “helping” you is telling you what to do and scolding you when you do something different. This is not my approach at all.
Instead, you can think of me as being a person you talk with about what’s going on in your life. I have insights and coping tools I can share, but ultimately what you do with those things is up to you.
I won’t go behind your back to tell your parent/caretaker what we are talking about. Instead, I’ll support you in being open with them, and we’ll discuss what does feel appropriate for me to discuss with them when I check in with them.
Being a teen is hard. You’re trying to figure out your own identity, you HAVE to go to school, and people don’t always listen to what you have to say. With me as your ally, you’ll feel a lot more confident in being able to deal with these things.
Chosen Family
A chosen family is one where people who are not blood related agree to support each other for a prolonged period of time. Chosen families have proliferated in queer, disabled, and nonwhite communities as forms of mutual support where other support systems might not meet our needs.
Just like our blood families, chosen families can have their misunderstandings and conflicts.
In our work together, we’ll be working with everyone to define our intentions. By the end of our process, we’ll have a clear idea of shared values and expectations.