Sometimes, things can start to feel a little stuck in our relationships and we need a little outside help from a couples therapist. The same thing happens when we need individual therapy, but now there’s another person involved.
And that additional person can complicate things.
Attachment theory is a good start for us in seeing how our relationships with our earliest caregivers impact our present relationships with our close connections.
Attachment theory typically focuses heavily on the role of mothers and monogamous connections, thus leaving out other types of connections that might be platonic, community oriented, or nonhuman. But it’s just a starting point.
When I refer to couples therapy, I’m referring to any therapeutic process involving two people.
This can look a few different ways, let’s talk about them.
Couples Therapy
To start, I would like to speak with everyone during our consultation to make sure that everyone is on board. Next, our intake will last 110 minutes. This will give each of you a chance to talk with me, and some time for all three of us to talk together.
My expectation is that both members of the couple will be invested in the process together. Being on equal footing in this regard is the only way for the whole thing to work.
If I get the sense that abuse is present, we will not be able to work together. Same reasoning, we need to be on equal footing. If you’re in Philadelphia and abuse is present, these resources might be more supportive than us starting therapy.
Think of my role in this process as being something like a consultant. I can notice things in your relationship that you might have difficulty seeing or dealing with, and provide strategies and feedback. It’s up to you to use the strategies I’m sharing with you.
Friendship Therapy
It’s pretty neat that you’re considering couples therapy with a friend. Most people don’t think to do that.
So if you’re considering friends therapy, I know that this relationship means a lot to both of you.
You can think of our process as being much the same as the one I outlined in the couple section. And we’ll have the added focus of unpacking amatonormativity – the privileging of romantic relationships over the platonic. Fun!
Ethically Nonmonogamous, Polyamorous, Relationship Anarchist, Asexual, and Aromantic Relationship Therapy
I know firsthand how hard it is to be in relationships differently from the norm. People are constantly doubting the legitimacy of your relationship, plus it’s difficult to connect with people when you’re something of a trailblazer.
You’re opening up new possibilities. As exciting as that is, be also prepared for challenges! There are challenges with breaking from the norm. But they’re challenges of your choosing and there’s something special and authentic about that.
I think what you’re doing is worthwhile. And while I can’t tell you what to do, I can give you a nonjudgemental space to work it out.